I know, I know. You’re panicking. You’re holding the phone up to your ear and you’re all a-quiver. Or maybe you have your dang AirPods in. I can’t use AirPods myself because my ears are too big and quite literally they do not fit. They fall right on outta there. Go ahead, tease me. Do your worst. It didn’t bother Dumbo and it won’t bother me!! But I digress. The point is, the phone is ringing and you are anxiously awaiting your first BLIND! PHONE CALL! DATE! Here are a few tips I have curated for you to make your first call go as smooth as silk.

Firstly, I recommend walking somewhere. Note: this doesn’t mean you should pace maniacally. I’m always doing this while talking on the phone; I’m constantly walking in speedy little circles around my living room obsessively touching the walls. This, folks, will make your family think they need to check you into a psych ward. Instead, I recommend getting outside in the big wide world and taking a stroll. Being in the fresh air will calm you down and give you a purpose as you chit chat. Plus, it’ll give you privacy if things turn STEAMY! And, if you run out of things to say, you can comment on the rogue foxes in your neighborhood.

Secondly, are you remembering to BREATHE???? This feels simple, but sometimes I realize I haven’t taken a deep breath in like 48 hours and then I lower my shoulders and do a good ole inhale followed by an exhale and I realize that at the rate that I was holding my breath, I should be dead. So make sure that before your call, and even during, you try some breathing to calm yourself down and to keep your voice from going into those delicate anxious high octaves.

Lastly, I recommend that you do NOT do the following: prepare a list of conversation topics ahead of time. I know it’s tempting. But guys. It’s deadly. I have tried to do this before, and let me tell you, it does not go over well. The conversation peters out and I come in hot with, “So what’s your favorite Starburst? Red? Cool. Have you ever thought about being an astronaut? No? Did you know that in middle school they called me Olivia Flatwood because I didn’t have boobs? Oh, the line went dead.” So take it from me: just go with the flow. I promise, it’ll all work out in the end. And if it doesn’t, well, guess what? I probably have more matches for you on the way.

Dear god, I know. I hated dating as much as the next guy. For years I hit what I called the three date hump: I could never manage to go on more than three dates because everyone was such a BORE! I would find that the first date would be a blast, because I'm a chatty Kathy so it was like going on a date with myself. I would bring all my A-Game material and be cracking up all night because I think I'm hilarious. I would get myself a little drunk and just have a ball and then realize at the end of the night, I didn't care about the guy at all, I just had a fun night out on the town with myself. That's when I discovered the true key to dating: DOWN with the BORING ASS DATES! No more meeting at a bar! You're telling me you're excited to talk to a stranger over a glass of somethin? Nope. How about rock climbing, or axe throwing, or hitting up that ping pong bar? Maybe get tipsy and ride the tram to Roosevelt Island. You'll have way more fun on a date if it's actually something you want to do, and it will allow you to see their true colors as well.